The Duck's Nest

  It really is. I've been a really terrible friend lately. I can't control my god-damn emotions. All I want to do is sleep, hole up in my room with the laptop/good book (like I am now...) or talk to Q. I even have a hard time just trying to sound enthusiastic talking to Joe lately, which is when you know something is wrong. *sigh* Summertime blues, I guess. 

 

I'm going to have to explain the items mentioned above a bit more. Okie. *sigh* 
  How am I a terrible friend? I got invited to a "3rd of July" party at Hector's a week ago, or so. It started at 5 pm. Guess what I was doing at 5 pm? Taking a shower, or doing this. Yup. And...I just didn't really want to go, even though I would get to see my friends. It just seemed kinda scary...the thought of actually going somewhere and being social. (I really hate this whole anti-social thing that my family and I have going. It really isn't doing wonders for me, or anyone else. I blame my parents. I'll go into that more later.) These are my friends, so it shouldn't be scary to talk to them and hang out and goof off with them, but it is just like this huge...beast...in the way. It sounds so fucking stupid, but that's how it seems right now. *sigh* Most people go into social hibernation during the school year, but no. I just have to go into social hibernation during summer when most people actually have time to do stuff. God. I am so fucked. *headdesk* 
  Onwards. I can't control my emotions at all. It's getting really, really tiresome. One minute I'm pissed as all hell, the next I'm crying my eyes out, and the next I'm skipping and singing "It's A Great Day To Be Alive". Ok, maybe not skipping and singing, but you get what I mean. It's not even that time of the month yet and I'm a total nutcase. I'm just glad that this isn't as bad as this past fall/winter. Holy fuck, that was waaaay scary. I thought I was seriously bipolar. I never want to have to go through that again. 
  The next thing is kinda self-explanatory. Sleep, read, computer, talk to Q. Note that eating isn't even in that list. Which is kinda really freaking me out. Seriously, I just don't really want to eat. I'll hear/feel my stomach growl and be like, "Huh. Ok". Like, I'll eat if I'm starving or starting to feel sick from lack of food, but otherwise I just don't really want to eat. Right now, I'm kinda hungry. It''s just like.."'Kaaaay....This is great...." This probably doesn't sound too bad, but I am a fucking garbage disposal. I usually eat all the time. I eat like a pregnant woman normally! Just lately...I don't want to eat. I'm kind of afraid of people thinking I have an eating disorder or something because I don't. I just don't feel like eating every time my stomach commands me to. Oh, my god. I sound like such a moron right now. 
  And I really need to get off this Q addiction. I love him to death and all, but I need to stop thinking about him constantly. Yes, this is going to be kinda hard considering that I'm going to be seeing him again in about three weeks (on the 20th), so not thinking about him doesn't really work too well. But really, I don't have to be addicted to him and dreaming about him and thinking about him and talking to him 24/7. I'm starting to both piss myself off and creep myself out. Uhrg.
  (Random: my neighbors are setting off fireworks, so I have a private little show going on in my window. funfunfun.)    
  I just don't really sleep that much anymore either. I just can't fall asleep until really late, and then wake up really early. Yes, I'm tired all the damn time, but it's just like...why should I bother sleeping? I could actually get stuff done if I stayed up. I'd prefer to become nocturnal, anyways. Night-time doesn't have many people wandering around and bothering you, now does it? Just the way I like it. But I do want to sleep...I just can't. Summer insomnia strikes once more! Fuuuuuck! 
  Deeeeeeeeear goddddd! I just had a tiny slice of lemon meringue pie and it fucking sucked. Seriously! I don't know where they got it, but I now feel like shit. And I'm still fucking hungry and couldn't care less. Uhrg! Why don't I care?! What the hell is wrong with me?! 
  *sigh* I sound like an anorexic insomniac pregnant women with a serious social problem. Oh, with attachment issues too. God! Is this what I'm destined to become!? An anorexic insomniac pregnant woman with serious social and attachment issues?!