The Duck's Nest

( Stupid mini rant about Q )

You know what's nifty? Taking a book off of your mom's shelf only to find that she was using a coupon for pads as a bookmark. The coupon expired in '07. What makes this even better is that the book the coupon was in is called In Cold Blood.

Just thought I'd take the time this morning to post that. I found it pretty funny. 8 P But then again, I am the over-tired one...

Procrastination, you are a bitch. Why must I always listen to you when you whisper sweet nothings in my ear? "Oh, just sit on Facebook for a little longer. Read another few chapters. The project can be done later." NO!! Not when part of it is due tomorrow and you've had forever to work on it! Bad Sarah! I thought we were over this! No more! After this entry, you are going to do your fucking homework, dammit!

And you know what? I hate November. A lot. Fuck you, November. We don't need you. No one loves you. All the months were happy, and then YOU showed up. You and your cold and early Christmas music and pointless holidays. I hope you die in a fire. I'm ripping the month November out of all my calenders after this. NOVEMBER, YOU SUCK! GO AWAY! Also, November always makes me depressed. I don't know why, but it just does. I used to enjoy it, because, hello, food, but now it's just making me depressed. So, November, I give you a hearty FUCK YOU!

Uhrg. TIred. Frustrated. Want to sleep. Have to do homework. And eat. Mmmm....food. Ok, food, then homework. I can eat and work at the same time. Buh.

~I'm procrastinating really uber (UMLAUT!!) badly on two big projects for school right now. One is an outline/speech on Truman Capote (Ms. Hunter gave me a "oh god..." look when I told her my topic) and the other is a newspaper for US History on the Civil War. Weee. Do NOT want to do them.

~Joe is supposed to be coming over soon to work on math with me, but knowing him, he won't be here for, like, two hours. It's so fun having a friend whose locker is jammed so they use your books and crap for everything.

( We crown you the king of loss ).

Steve, my sax-a-ma-phone playing senior marching band amigo, totally saved me today. I owe him one.

( I get by with a litle help from my friends )

We played Marquette last night in the final game before state. We lost. HORRIBLY. Arrowhead was basically RAPED by Marquette; the final score was 35-0. ZERO?!?!?! I've never been to an Arrowhead game where we haven't at least gotten a few points! I feel so bad for the football team, seeing as their coach probably gave them hell last night. The freshman are kinda making me laugh though, because they're seriously upset that we're not going to state this year. So we'll go next year, oh well. But...the fact that we didn't score ANYTHING was just...wow. Arrowhead must have been on something to suck that badly.

I am so freaking happy right now. Absolutely NOTHING seems real right now. It's totally crazy, but things just worked out so well with certain people, and I am so happy, that I could cry. haha. 

( Sarah in a good mood has the attention span of a small rodent.  )

  My father is a moron. No..,an imbecile; I haven't used that word in a long time. But he's a fucking imbecile (that's gonna be my word today). Why? I don't have enough time to type all that because I need to make a lunch for school and eat some breakfast. BUT! He's trying to fix things with food again.
  I walked out of the bathroom this morning after my shower to grab my iPod dock (it was too quiet) and there was a plastic grocery bag on the doorknob of my room, with two bags of Nacho Cheese Doritos in it. He knows that I adore those chips. Is that gonna make me want to kill him less? Psh. Nope. He wishes.
  After school, I will update again. But first I might have to make a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a cactus...

 MY DAD HAS A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so friggin happy right now!! And...I have a really soft and warm oversized flannel shirt. LOVE. This has been a really good week so far, and it can only get better. <3 

 

( Zach! Your trumpet has an udder!  )

  I've already said everything I wanted to the person who hurt me the most in life. It wasn't done in the nicest way possible, but it still got across. I only "confronted" (letters don't really count as confrontation to me) him because I was bitter and hurt. It was one of those situations where you get caught up in self-pity and anger and it seemed like a good idea and the little voices in my head were chanting "Do it! Do it! Do it!". In hindsight, it really was one of the worst ideas EVER. All the bitterness, anger, and hurt are gone now. Don't love him anymore, either. 
  I really regreted confronting him, though. It really, really, really, really hurt both of us rather than helping us. A lot of the things I said were extremely nasty, and I still feel bad about it. That letter was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. 

  It's amazing how much a friendship can stand, isn't it? Even though it's kind of fading away now, there's still some friendship left. It's not a whole lot, considering what the last year has put us both through, but it's still there. It's not like we talk every day anymore, or call each other or text, but the little bit of conversation every once in a whole is better than not talking ever again. That would really suck. I still value his friendship, but there's nothing more to it anymore. He's moved on and so have I. It's not like I'd be losing a lover or anything like that if we completely stopped talking to each other. I'd just be really upset over losing a great friend. 

  
 ( So much band, so little sleep... )

  The movies, Kasey's house, and the Kettle Moraine vs. Waukesha West football game yesterday went...interestingly. Holy Drama, Batman! 

 ( And the bible didn't mention us, not even once )

  Brooke and Annemarie called me last night....after I had fallen asleep. Of course. I swear, those two have sleep-overs with each other every week. And the like the become involved in other people's business while they're at it... 

( Du bist ein Kuh!  )
   

   Fabulous. But that's what I get for going to bed at 9:30 last night. I was so freaking tired. Yesterday was a good day, though. 

( Poof!!! )

  I should really be doing my homework right now...or at least giving it all my attention. *totally isn't doing her German and math homework as she types this* Amazingly, I got distracted by my U.S. History book. It was rather fun to look through. Of course, I was mainly looking for stuff on the 50's. 8 P Anyways!
  Homecoming plans are under way- we have dinner reservations, and we're going to AJ's house for pictures beforehand. The girls might be sleeping over at Ali's house after the dance, which will be really fun. 8 )
  Of course, if it ends anything like TWIRP did last year, then I'm going to end up crying my eyes out as I try to fall asleep. (Three guesses on who I was crying over and why. 8 P ) But hopefully it won't. 

( Homecoming issues, German textbook Love Triangles, and past summers. Wee.... )

  Once upon a time there was a strange group of friends that, like most other groups, had other groups budding off of it....

  ( They caused a huge friggin mess and everyone went away from it pissed off )

  Um. Hi. Yes, I did, in fact, delete those last two entries. Why? Because I'm a fucking moron and a total bitch, and the guilt was catching up with me. Hooray for being human.
  I need to just randomly babble right now. If everything is really disconnected and hectic, let's blame the fact that I'm getting sick. *hides bottle of NighQuil* 

  ( Jealousy. Yes, jealousy! Will drive you mad! )

  School has been back in for the last two weeks. It's all the same. My teachers are really weird, CBII still sucks, none of the Freshie sopranos can sing. It's soooo fun. Not.
  And people are just bitches. Seriously, I'm starting to hate everyone. 

( Some people have bad taste in women and friends )

  I got my answers from Q this morning. It's official: I am a delusional whore. Fabulous. 
  He asked what was bothering me, so I gave him a link to my last entry. He read. He apologized for being confusing. He told me that he only feels friendship towards me.
  I'm not going to pretend that I'm not upset...and pissed off.  Mostly pissed off, but upset is a close second. I'm pissed off that he couldn't have just told me straight out that he only wants to be friends, instead of telling me over and over that he really cares for me and that he wanted to kiss me and calling me "dear" and "m'dear". I know those things don't equal love, and I feel so stupid for reading that far into them. I probably wouldn't have if it hadn't been him. We've been "lovey-dovey" (Kasey's word...) so many times in the past year, that I don't know what's love for him and what's not. When everything that happened after May suddenly came to a screeching halt however long after school ended, I should have realized he didn't care like that anymore. No, I thought he was playing it safe for D.C. I guess I'm just blind. 
  I finally turned my Claddagh ring around today. The heart had been facing inwards for the past...half a year-ish...because I wasn't ready to give him up. I'm still not, but I need to move on. My heart is still "captured" by him, but it's just time to give it up. I've tortured myself over him for far too long.  It's over. It's been over. The fat lady sang long ago, but I was covering my ears. It's time to listen.
  Yes, I still care for him more than I should, but I need to learn to stop. Now's the time.

  Seriously, it did. It's one of those rare moments, but hey, it helped a bit. 

 ( Love, don't close the door behind me )